I am super tired. Too many things coming all at once. From every corners they are attacking me. I can slowly feel myself shrinking from all of it. I'm building a small room in my mind to shut the world out. It's childish I know. I know I need to grow the fuck up. But whatever you farthead. I am missing class because I couldn't even make my body to get ready for school. I feel like I'm disappointing so many people. I feel the guilt eating inside me. I feel my parents giving up on me. I'm trying so hard to be better. I made timetables. I bought new colorful pens to motivate me to study and make notes. NOTHING IS WORKING.
Like I said, too many things at once and I wish I could mentally blog so that I can record all my thoughts as I am experiencing everything and anything. Sometimes I feel such overwhelming anger and I lash out to anybody who annoys me. I see myself from far away as I say hurtful things to my siblings. I see me rolling my eyes and mocking anyone who gets in my way. I have no control of my own feelings that I'm getting scared.
|| I met her. She was nice and I like her immediately. I wanted to tell her everything. But again something is holding me back. So many WHAT IFS. What if I told her? Could she help me? ||
I feel like I am walking on thin ice. One wrong move, the ice will break and I will drown in the dark water below. Anxiety comes more often now. Is this how I am going to remember my teenage years? The fear and anxieties?
"Is she ok?"
"Yeah,she said shes just tired."
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